I’d better write something fast. Herb, the sweet guy at Cedars who books my outpatient appointments, is worried that I’m going to lose my skills if I don’t get a job soon. Not going to happen, Herb. Besides, I’m practicing writing every day, crafting pithy, intelligent responses to friends and foes alike on Facebook.
Herb is right, though. Burnout and P.T. time are very sweet, but at some point a girl’s got to go back to work. In fact, I’ve been laying plans for my return to the freelance nation—Ruthless With Words; cute, eh?—and getting started on the necessary Website. That’s what I was working on the other day when I found myself on the phone with the very helpful Christina at Go Daddy.
Christina and I had bonded after I wondered why the male customer-service reps I’d gotten on two previous calls had failed to suggest that I simply check my spam folder for the password-reset email. She also offered me a bigger discount than the one the guys had insisted they couldn’t give me over the phone, sealing my admiration. We were discussing whether I should activate RuthSilverman.com or buy a second domain—free with the Web hosting—when I got an idea.
“Look up Ruthless Ruth,” I suggested, citing my nickname in the bodybuilding and fitness industry, where I am a longtime editor and correspondent.
In a flash, she said, “Oh, it’s taken. But RuthlessRuth.net is available.”
“Really?” I replied, my fingers flying on my own keyboard to see who or what could have usurped my moniker. In a flash, the pictures loaded: Penises and naked women! Oh, my God! Ruthless Ruth was a very randy girl.
“Ouch, no!!!” I exclaimed, closing the browser window. “Don’t go there!” I warned Christina, but it was too late.
“Ouch!” she echoed as the dirt downloaded. “Oh, no-o-o-o….”
In my mind, she was the sweet young thing in the AT&T commercials, the perky brunette, “Lilly,” who gets embarrassed when she’s caught with a hand-bedazzled logo on her back. I could only imagine her reaction—averting her eyes in horror from that which no sweet young thing should ever see.
I felt terrible. The kid was a civilian, after all. As a former editor at Hustler magazine, I was no civilian, however. I’d seen my share of penis-plus-naked girl photos. So the OMG above came more from surprise than anything else. Plus, the shots were so cheesy they hurt my eyes. Clearly, the other Ruth’s definition of “ruthless” and mine were very different.
“Did you want to think about RuthlessRuth.net?” Christina’s voice was a little shaky, but she was a trouper. She had my business for sure, but I think we both knew I was not going to take her up on that particular offer.